Just then, the biggest, ugliest, man I had ever seen, grabbed Gina by the hair. "Where the f... you been bitch?" He snarled, lifting her partially out of her seat. "And who the f... is this faggot?" Gina was holding on to his buffalo sized hand with both of her hands trying to preserve her hair do! "Big John, she managed to say. This is my next door neighbor, Curtis." When he looked at me, I said. "Hi!" Trying to sound as manly as I could. As luck would have it, my voice cracked just then and I hit high "C", causing me to sound just like a little girl. From the look on his face, I mean, I might as well have said. Well, hello there sailor! In my church lady voice.
The rows of "Marcel Waves", although interesting, added to his unpleasant appearance. His nose was flat from numerous poundings, and one eye was a little off its' tracking, so you didn't know which one to look at. His voice could barely squeeze out from his thick neck, through quarts of testosterone and steroids, which made him sound like he was talking from his ass. "Pleased to meet you John." I said politely, barely audible. "That's Big John to you shit head!" "My name's Big John and I am from Texas!" He announced to the room. Suddenly everyone disappeared behind menus. I could tell that this was his usual greeting in a strange place. He pretty much looked like "Hulk Holgan's" dark evil twin. "Hey! Mister Shit head to you!" I whispered under my breath.
When I am nervous I talk a lot, often to my detriment. "Well, Big John. I'm certainly glad your name isn't Dick! Hehe." I quipped. He looked down at me, three hundred pounds of muscle. I estimated him to be at least six foot seven. He put Gina down and grabbed me by the hair, one of his nostrils flaring noticeably. I thought I would try humor first before I resorted to violence. "You had better watch that nostril thing, I knew a guy that went blind doing that, or was it deaf." His eyes were entirely too close together, not to mention his breath. "Had onions for breakfast did we." I said nicely, doing my best "church lady" imitation. He started to shake, a very large vein on his forehead, and another one on his immense neck, looked as though they were about to pop. Now I was holding his giant hand with both of my hands. If I was very lucky, I thought, he might die of a stroke if I kept after him. I knew some "kung fu", I had learned from my bartender, back in my drinking days. His name, ironically, was "Sam the bartender". He taught martial arts during the day, but made his living at night tending bar. I thought better of trying to use my kung fu, which was a rending tearing sort of martial art, because I would just wind up putting my eye out or something. So instead, in my deepest voice and most sinister oriental accent, I said. "How's your kung fu?" He drew me closer to his huge face. "Does this mean we're going steady?" He said. It was then I realized that the shaking was from trying not to laugh. That is when both he and Gina started howling with laughter. "Had you going there didn't we, little fella?" He said as he gently set me back down into my seat, which suddenly seemed much too warm and wet. Gina touched my hand, as he carefully patted my hair back down into place. "This is my big brother, John. This is just his sense of humor." She said, still laughing. I smiled at them both and said, "Well if you think that was funny, your going to love this......I think I just shit my pants!"
Kronos looked at me, obviously excited. "What we are going to look at next, took me quite a long time to fully understand." When Kronos said, "a long time", I always wondered what he meant. I mean, was it forty days and forty nights? Or was it forty centuries? Kronos continued. "Now!" He said, feigning grimness. "That dreaded event has once again raised its ugly head. The quiz!" He laughed. Suddenly we were in a coffee shop, exactly like the one around the corner from my apartment building. Kronos was across from me dressed like "Captain Kirk" of the "Enterprise". He looked quite striking. I however, was dressed like one of the "Three Stooges" from that movie where they were all insane Generals. I had about a hundred metals and ribbons on my chest and pants. I had on a very fancy gayly festooned hat that sat side ways on my head. Kronos would have made an excellent "Q", who was a guy who......oh well, anyway.
"Hey, how come you get to be Captain Kirk?" I whined, very surprised that we were in a my coffee shop! I looked around to see if I knew anyone, but there was no one else in the place. Suddenly I was Captain Kirk and he was, what I thought to be "Alexander the Great". "Jeez! Kronos! You always have to do me one better!" I raised my eyebrow sinisterly. He smiled. I thought you would be more comfortable in familiar surroundings. I was still in shock, because it was about the last thing I expected, but I had to admit that it was funny! Kronos waved his arm in a grand gesture. "This is the "astral plane", so if you don't like something, you can just change it." I tried to change my costume into my regular street clothes because I could more easily remember them. Kronos could see the strain on my face. "No, no, no." He said pleasantly. Don't try to do it, just do it." He smiled. "Or better yet, know that it is done."
I suddenly thought how funny he would look in a tutu, you know, like the ballerinas wear. Instantly, to both of our surprise, Kronos was costumed just how I remembered a ballerina to look like. He changed back into Alexander the Great. I changed him into an old hag with missing teeth. He changed me into a monstrous breasted woman. He changed back into a more familiar looking Kronos, and me back into myself in my regular clothes. "I can see where this is going, he said, but we will have to save it for another time." He said amused.
Kronos said. "Coffee?" Two cups of steaming coffee appeared before us. The aroma was exquisite. "You can have a lot of fun here. It is very much like the physical plane, however, you can do just about anything you can think of without harm or consequence. It is like a mental play pen." He said, sipping his coffee. "Alright, let's get down to business." I want you to tell me all you can remember about the "1d void" and its companion. Take your time, I am more interested in details than a prospectus." He cheerfully chided me. I sipped my coffee, it even had the right amount of cream and honey. It was the best cup I had ever tasted!!!
I lined up my thoughts. "Let's see, Hmmmm, we have the "1d void", which is "dark matter". It has an equal and opposite, which is another void, or "anti-matter". These two voids are actually the two halves of a larger unit. There is yet another void underneath the twin voids, that will turn out to be the 6d void." I took a sip of coffee. "Mmmmm mmmmm!" I said, feeling like a coffee commercial. I looked at Kronos, I thought, so far so good. "Next I see the voids cracking into a whole lot of little versions of the two voids. Each pair is tightly bonded to the other. Oh yes, I forgot to mention that when the void cracked, it forms a beautiful crystalline matrix, consisting of, perhaps, an infinite number of bonded crystalline pairs.
As I watched, the crystalline pair did something that Kronos had failed to mention. I happened so fast that I almost didn't catch it, so I ran it back to watch it in slow motion. "Kronos, I see something very weird." Kronos looked at what I was looking at. "Yes, I see! That explains something which has been nagging at the back of my mind." As we watched the bonded pair, the globular half was suddenly enveloped by the crystalline part, which now was no longer crystalline, but itself had taken on a globular shape. Kronos commented quietly, fascinated. "We are seeing the actual formation of the most abundant element in the universe ...... Hydrogen!" I wasn't really sure what I had discovered, but it had made Kronos very excited. "I will have to count the generations on a number of samples to see if they are exactly the same." Talking to himself. Kronos, was after all, the pure scientist.
I had to pause and take another sip of this excellent coffee. I could sense that my physical body was becoming over heated from such intense concentration. God, this coffee was good! I was sure it would have brought "Mrs. Olsen" to climax. I put a quarter that was suddenly in my hand into the miniature juke box attached to the wall of our booth, like they had in the 50's. I played an old favorite of mine, "One Mint Julep", from my days in "Hollywood high". In those days we would ride the street car for a dime. At one point, it went straight down "Hollywood Boulevard", and I would get off at "Highland", and walk the short distance to school. Sometimes we would ditch school and go over to a coffee shop, on the corner, very much like this one.
I remember that one time the Vice Principle had shown up, and I dived into the phone booth and closed the door. I remember that it had a kind of grey dimpled pattern in the metal. Everyone else had gone out the back, into the waiting arms of the football coaches. It was well organized. For some strange reason he failed to look in the phone booth. He probably figured that no one would be that stupid!
I looked at Kronos. He was beaming like a new father! "You have no idea what just happened, do you?" He was so excited that the coffee shop was starting to blink in and out. "You mean the hydrogen thing?" "No, not that, that was nothing in comparison to this!" Now I was really confused. He was starting to break out in rainbow colors that both frightened me and hurt my senses. Kronos finally settled down enough to talk. "You have absolutely no idea what just happened, do you?" I managed to curl my lip into a little smile, hoping that he wouldn't say that again. Kronos looked at me with that loving fatherly look. The coffee shop was finally stabilizing. "You are such a natural! Just now when you were describing what you were remembering, you actually went there with part of your mind. In other words, you were describing what you were really looking at, and not what you were remembering!"
I was certainly flattered, but a bit confused. Kronos, reading my mind said. "When you are in your physical body, and wish to see something in another universe or dimension, all you would have to do is think of it and presto! You are there, well at least a part of you is there. It is called "dual vision". You could be sitting here talking with me, and at the same time be anywhere in the multi-verse, seeing each with equal clarity! I use it all of the time. I only took you to the actual places so you could experience them in person. Other than the 6d void, I seldom go to other universes or dimensions. I mean there is never any reason for me to."
I felt a little pang of hunger. Suddenly a waitress appeared. She was so gorgeous, as to be unreal, way past a perfect ten, and into the teens! She was completely naked except for a little waitress cap, and a small apron, and pink and white tennis shoes. In a strangely seductive voice she said. "Can I take your order?" I looked at Kronos. "Are you having anything?" I said, trying not to snicker. "No, coffee is fine." "I'll have a "Bacon, lettuce and tomato", with extra mayo, and a kosher dill. Do you have malts or milk shakes?" I asked, trying not to look at her gently swaying breasts. "Yes." She breathed, shades of Marilyn Monroe. "Make that a malt...Chocolate malt." No sooner had I ordered than it appeared on the table before me. A chocolate malt, in a tall frosted fancy glass, with whipped cream and a bright red maraschino cherry on top, with a half full metal shake thingy beside it. A wonderful looking and smelling BLT, was cut into four even sections, with the crust neatly trimmed off of the sides. Each section was carefully turned up on its side. A tooth pick with frilly red plastic on the top, held each of them precisely together. A large great smelling sliced dill pickle and chips, and garnish arranged perfectly, made a desirous picture. Mmmmmmm! But, now, I was thinking I should have ordered the "kosher pastrami" on rye. No sooner did I think of it than it appeared before me, replacing the BLT! A huge mound of hot steaming pastrami blanketed with dark rye, blessed me with its aroma. I looked up to thank her, but she was gone.
Kronos was just sitting there looking patiently amused. I took a big bite of the most delicious pastrami sandwich I had eaten in a long time, with hot steam dampened rye bread, just the way I remembered them from "Green Blatts Kosher Restaurant" in Hollywood. A kosher dill to die for, and fresh crisp chips. The chocolate malt was perfect! Not like that plastic stuff they pass off as ice cream, but three scoops of the real thing, with milk! Plenty of tasty malt topped it off! When I finished, I was full and happy! I even drank what was left in the metal shake holder. Yessss! I was about to thank Kronos for such a delightful surprise, when he said. "Don't thank me, I had nothing to do with this." He laughed. "Hmmmm, I think I'm going to like the "Astral Plane!" I mused out loud. Suddenly we were back in the crystalline universe. I guess Kronos figured out that the Astral Plane was not a good place for giving me a quiz. He was right, because I was thinking of asking that waitress for her phone number! Hehe.
Kronos suddenly looked worried. "There is something wrong with your physical body!" Before I could ask what, I was back in it. I looked around and realized I was in a hospital with an I.V. drip leading to the back of my hand. Why do they do that? I mean, of all of the places on my body that I wouldn't mind them sticking a six inch needle into, as much, why, oh why, stick it into the back of my hand? I thought it was uncaring and very yucky and made me feel woozy. I heard a voice from far away. He is coming to Doctor Gavin". "Well, that wasn't so bad now was it?" I was five years old, and Doctor Gavin had just taken my tonsils out. I tried to speak, but I couldn't. suddenly Doctor Gavin morphed into a much younger person. Hi there, I'm Doctor Gavin" "Your not Doctor Gavin!" I insisted, in my little five year old voice. "You are probably feeling a little woozy, but that will wear off after a bit. Your in a hospital. You've had some sort of epileptic seizure." "But I couldn't have had an epileptic seizure. Don't you see, I'm not an epileptic!" He patted me on the hand, not the one with the needle.
I thought I saw Linda's face close to mine. "Linda?" "Are you O.K. honey?" "You had us all so worried!" She held my hand, the one with the needle in it. The Doctor said not to worry. That they have wonderful drugs for epileptics." I tried to explain to her that they must have gotten the wrong guy, because I wasn't an epileptic! No one in my entire family history was ever an epileptic, and I didn't want to be in this dream anymore!"
A couple of days in bed, was all they said. They had given me a bunch of little amber plastic bottles of various anti-epileptic drugs (AEDs), with the Doctors name, and my name and address, and what the name of the pill was, and how many milligrams, and how many you had to take, and how many times a day, and before meals, or with meals, and whether they made you drowsy, and the expiration date! These pills, they informed me, I would have to take for the rest of my life! Then came the tests. There was the Brain scan, computerised axial tomography and magnetic resonance imaging, and then the EEG was used to record the electrical activity of my brain, Computerised axial tomography (CT or CAT scan)CT scans used X-rays to produce pictures of my brain, Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI scan) MRI scans used magnetic fields to create pictures of my brain. Then I had to spend a couple more days in bed when I got the bill! I was fretting about it to Linda, who said. "Don't worry honey, you are very very rich now, remember! Hehe."